Tom Moore · DiggyDog · Homer Spurlock & Doc Shotgun

September 2010 · selected scenes

The Trail of Gears

By Tom Moore, writing as DiggyDog

In our last episode, ravenous wolves laid plans for political domination, Nomah Finia benefitted from extraordinary foresight, Bubba Grande was Knighted, Moe Getzum attended a high level meeting, the residents of Hippytopia were displaced by an unnatural disaster, Arthur Bardwell was newly inspired, and the Last Prophet issued a dire warning:

* * *

"Think of a thought there are no words for! Can you? Do words exist to describe thought? Can there be thought without words to describe it?"

"Hmmm, interesting Omer! If there were no words for hate, greed, jealousy, etc., I wonder if these thoughts could exist?"

"I suspect the feelings still would exist, but without words to convey them, their negative impact would be greatly reduced! I think it is time for a deeper editing of our books!"

"But some of them are down to a few sentences already!"

"Yes, I see your point, but my mission is greater than that! The only hope of survival for man or any other living thing lies in a fundamental shift in the way men think!! And we are running out of time! It is absolutely crucial that mankind immediately disavow the Doctrine of Hatred in all its various philosophical and religious manifestations!"

"Precisely, Omer! He who inspires your heart to hate
Only aspires to rule your fate!!"

"That's right Princess, mans thinking must change at the most fundamental levels!"

"And you are going to do that by cutting words out of books?"

"No, of course not, but its a start!"

* * *

"Brother Charlie?"

"What, Sister Shirley?"

"Are you going to tell our gentle believers about Nomah Finia?"

"I think I will, Sister Shirley!"

"Go right on ahead, Brother Charlie!"

"Brethren and Sistren, Nomah Finia was a good man, a God-fearing man! But when his time came, he found himself waiting not at the Gates of Heaven, but at the Bowels of Hell!"

"Why is that, Brother Charlie?"

"Well, Sister Shirley, have you ever dealt with a bureaucracy?"

"Like the License Bureau?"

"That's a good example Shirley! You know how hard it is to get to the right place, how you get sent here and there, how half the people you deal with give you the wrong information!"

"Ain't that the truth!"

"Well just imagine a bureaucracy big enough to process the souls of every person who ever lived, or who ever will live! Can you imagine the potential for error?!!"

"I shudder to think of the possibilities, Brother Charlie!"

"Well, as I was saying, ol' Nomah found himself at the wrong place, through no fault of his own, but he was a very fortunate man!"

"Why do you say he was fortunate, Brother Charlie?"

"Nomah Finia had a Get Out of Hell Free Card, and he merely presented it to the Demon in Charge, whereupon he was immediately transported to Heaven!"

"Wow Brother Charlie! How did he get that card?"

"Very simple, Sister Shirley, all of the holders of our Deluxe Salvation Plan are eligible to receive one Get Out of Hell Free Card with each donation of $10,000 or more! They can even make donations in the names of their family members and friends!!"

* * *

And it came to pass that a great calamity befell the peaceful citizens of Hippytopia!!!

It happened on a hot summer day. That was the day that E opened King E's Disco Palace, a 24 hour disco! When they cranked up the speakers, the pain was unbearable for the peaceful acoustically oriented hippies!! Thus began the mass migration of hippies, mostly by bicycles. This infamous event, signaling the last gasp and final defeat of the Peace and Love Generation, was later to be known as the Trail of Gears, for the bicycle wreckage left strewn along the trail!!

* * *

Arthur Bardwell sits spellbound as he hears the words of the Song of Melvin:

"Twas swift the rise
And great the fall
A Kingdom gained and lost,
A reign of hope and righteousness,
Into the too cold pages of history was tost’
But from the ashes of a former fire
A hero was reborn
And the people all began to sing
Their praises to
The once and future King!"

* * *

Meanwhile over at Hippytopia, a few haggard hippies who refused to join the exodus wander about in a stupor of earplugs and sign language! The Chief of Police cannot run his speed trap because his Volkswagen bus broke down, and the mayor and the judge have spent all the revenue over at King E's Disco Palace! A mysterious traveler has entered the tired camp, and a Circle of Wisdom has been called. The Last Prophet stands in the center of the Circle, holding not just the Feather of Wisdom, but the Whole Bird!!!!

"In the last days of Man
The elements shall turn against him!!
Not from the Hand of God
But from the Avarice Folly and Ego
of Man shall issue forth
The Final Plagues that will forever end Mans reign on Earth!!!
There will be earthquakes in diverse places!!
The lakes, streams and rivers will be poison to Man!!
The sky will fill with thick black clouds!!
The rain will be black and poisonous!!!
The black rain will be followed by drought!
The poison will catch fire and scorch the earth!
Even the rivers will burn!!
There will be great whirling pillars of fire!!!!
The great fires will grow together, consuming even the air!!!
All of Mans dreams, hopes and accomplishments, all of his noble or ignoble actions....
In the end he will have accomplished little beyond his extinction, and that of many other species!!"

"Wow! That's really heavy man!"

"Far out!"

"Groovy!"

"Anybody wanna play Frisbee?"

To Be Continued ……

* * *

DiggyDog is on vacation, chasing his own tail. His cousin SpookyDog has agreed to submit a Ghost Story for next month. The Adventures of Homer Spurlock and Doc Shotgun will continue in November.