Tom Moore · DiggyDog · Homer Spurlock & Doc Shotgun

Episode 9 · August 2011 · selected scenes

Tomorrow

By Tom Moore, writing as DiggyDog

In our last episode, ravenous wolves took control of Hippytopia, Omer Yonder embarked on an urgent metaphysical journey, Nomah Finia barely escaped eternal discomfort, King E came up with a brilliant plan, Bubba was Knighted for bravery, Congressman Moe Getzum had a profitable cruise, the Trail of Gears marked the sad demise of Hippytopia, and the Last Prophet made a dire prediction.

Meanwhile, a down payment of $50 million has been made to Dr. Mortyfarty for full rights and title to Mortyfarty Cavern, where Mr. Itamoru plans to build his state of the art underground shopping mall.

Out on $20 million bail, Dr. Mortyfarty plans his next move:

"OK Hanibal!
Now we can put my plan into action!"

"That may be the best $30 million you ever spent, Dr. Mortyfarty!!"

"Yes Hanibal, my new textbooks will be delivered to the Secret Cavern tomorrow!"

"This will change the whole course of human events, Dr. Mortyfarty!"

"Undoubtedly, Hanibal!"

* * *

Tomorrow:

"So this is it Dr. Mortyfarty, the textbook of the future!"

"Yes Hanibal, it is the ultimate textbook! Our professors and teachers not only taught the school children here, they developed the most advanced learning systems ever devised! Their lesson plans also have extensive bibliographies linking them to every other book ever written on the subject!"

Doctor Mortyfarty lifts a tarpaulin, revealing a very large brain-shaped computer, its surface covered with tiny lights of every color blinking seemingly at random:

"Wow Dr. Mortyfarty!"

"Hanibal, this database contains everything ever written by man!! It also contains every photograph, every film and every recorded sound!"

"An end to ignorance worldwide!"

"Yes Hanibal, and an end to the manipulation of ignorance as well!"

* * *

"Dr. Mortyfarty?"

"What, Hanibal?"

"I am trying to understand how educating the worlds population can possibly be of benefit to us!"

"That's because I'm brilliant, Hanibal, and you are not!"

"Oh"

"Look Hanibal, we are going to make sure every person in the world will have full access to the sum total of mans knowledge, and the ability to know everything they want to know!"

"But we are criminals Dr. Mortyfarty, we are exploiters and manipulators, and educated people are harder to exploit and manipulate!"

"How short-sighted you are Hanibal!
The brilliance of my plan is laid bare before you, yet you refuse to see it!
There is none so ignorant as he who refuses to learn!"

"OK, I give up Dr. Mortyfarty! What is the plan?"

"Hanibal, each textbook is a link to our database!
We will sell them for 10 bucks apiece!
Each citizen will have his own!
The Public Libraries will disappear!
The bookstores will disappear!
Private libraries will disappear!
There will be no need for them, because of my textbook!"

"I still don't get it!"

"Once the books are gone, we can rewrite any and everything in our database!
And no one will suspect a thing!
By controlling all knowledge, we can shape the thinking of everyone everywhere, we will be totally in control!!"

"WOW Dr. Mortyfarty!!
You are truly the greatest criminal mastermind ever!!"

"I know, Hanibal, I know!"

* * *

Thousands of Emperors, Kings, Queens, Princes, Princesses, Indian Chiefs, Medicine Men, Dukes, Earls, Counts, Viscounts and MissCounts, Presidents, CEOs, Prime Ministers, Popes, Evangelists, Mullahs, Brahmins, Lamas, Czars, Maharajahs, Sheiks, Khans and Mafia Dons have gathered for the Wedding Ceremony (and the football game, of course, this is Texas after all!)

* * *

"This is Dewey Knott reporting live from the Round Silo, where the Knights have just blown out [Washington] in a 42-13 romp!
The Knights are going to the Super Bowl!!
Or rather staying home for the Super Bowl, since it will be played right here at the Round Silo!!
Arthur Bardwell, owner of the Knights, is about to give a speech!"

All cameras are on Arthur Bardwell as he speaks to his team:

"Brave and heroic Knights!!
How can I convey my elation at the great courage
You have shown here today?
You have overcome hardship and injury
and honed your skills
to the point no one can match them!
Today, the leaders of the world have witnessed
Such a display as has never been seen
On the field of play
And the common people
For whom you stand as Champions
Share in your accomplishments!
But we still will be seen a failure if
We do not give our all
And more
In the contest to follow
We have now set an example
For all who would be free to follow
But a shallow and Pyrrhic victory it shall seem
Should we fall in a fortnight
So I charge you now to gird your loins
and prepare for the final battle!"

"So there you have it! The Knights will be playing right here in two weeks for the World Championship!! … This is Dewey Knott, star reporter for BGTV, signing off!"

* * *

Over the public address system at the Round Silo:

"Your Royal Highnesses, Chiefs, Brothers and Sisters, Fathers and Mullahs, and dignitaries from around the world, please hang tight and avail yourself of the amenities our concessions have to offer!!
We will be clearing the field and setting up the dance floor for the reception.
By the way, we are also closing the roof.
There's a little storm approaching, and we don't want you folks to get wet!
We will follow the storms progress on the big screen, for any who care to watch."

~ DiggyDog :{0>