Tom Moore · DiggyDog · Homer Spurlock & Doc Shotgun

Summer 2009 · in full

The Red Herring

By Tom Moore, writing as DiggyDog

In our last episode, Homer interviewed the Wildman of Blooming Grove. After determining that the Wildman was a U.S. government scout, Homer released him, and proceeded, along with his sidekick, Doc Shotgun, to locate the lost convoy.

We now rejoin the action at the Vespa motor scooter rental place.

Scene 3

"Welcome to VESPASAURUS!

What can I do for you?"

"We need two of your fastest scooters, time is of the essence!"

"Then you will want the Bad Motor, it will do 35 mph, with a good tailwind."

* * *

"Homer?"

"What, Doc?"

"Why are we going to Austin?"

"I need to see some documents at the Archives."

* * *

"OK Homer, what did you learn at the archives?"

"Doc, there are documents there supporting an old theory of mine. It is known that Mortyfarty's great great great great great grandfather came to America from England in 1732. It has been documented that he brought with him the crown of King Arthur, which he had stolen from a monastery. This crowns existence seems to have been lost track of around 1840. It is known that Professor Martyfarty's great great grandfather had it when he migrated to Texas in 1838. He ran smack dab into the comanche war party that raided Linville in 1840. In 1852, a gunrunner sketched a portrait of a comanche warrior who had a parasol, and was wearing a crown. In 1932, Merriweather Readingisgoodforyou, an amateur anthropologist and chief of police in Corsicana, unearthed some old Comanche artifacts, along with some pieces taken in the Linville raid, like ribbon, a parasol and an "old brass lamp shade." There are sketches and I can see that the "lamp shade" is the crown."

"Wow Homer!"

"Yes and these artifacts were part of the secret convoy that was lost. The Readingisgoodforyou collection was donated to the Presidential Library.. And that convoy was taking the Library to Crawford, when it got lost."

* * *

"Homer, it's too dark and spooky here, are you sure we are on the right track?"

"Yes Doc, I have followed the tracks of the trucks in the convoy, and they disappear into the Trinity River just up ahead a piece."

"Disappear, Homer?"

"Yep pard Shotgun, that is quicksand where they attempted to cross the river."

"Then we will never solve this case, will we?"

"I think we will, amigo. Look at that over there!"

"Look at what over where?"

"That, right over there!"

"Oh! That! What is it, Homer?"

"It's a coyote Doc, and it appears to have something tied around its neck."

"Another message from E, Homer?"

"I think so, Doc. Quick! You must catch that coyote, the message must be of vital importance!"

"I can't catch no coyote, Homer, and neither can you!"

"Au contraire, mis amis. Watch and learn."

(Homer removes his belt, with its five pound rodeo buckle, swings it over his head, and hurls it at the coyotes legs. It acts as a bolo, tying the coyote up. Homer removes the note, then the belt. The coyote runs away.)

"What does the note say, Homer?"

"Doc, I told you before, its just a note and a note can't talk."

"Ya ya ya... just read it to me, Homer."

"Ranger Headquarters has learned that the convoy containing the Presidential Library was not carrying the Readingisgoodforyou collection of Indian artifacts after all. It was simply the Presidents collection of Danielle Steele novels and Readers Digest condensed books. We strongly suspect the convoy was a red herring. The Readingisgoodforyou collection was sent to Gargantuan Auction here in Frost and was auctioned off last Saturday. You must return to Frost immediately and obtain the auction list, time is of the essence!

PS: Watch your speed when you come through my town!"

signed,

Secret Undercover Ranger E"

"Wow Homer! This case just keeps getting deeper!"

"Yes, Doc. Professor Mortyfarty is very tricky. The old red herring trick! I should have known!"

"Red herring, Homer? What is that?"

"Its fish, like a crappie. Except it lives in the ocean. Crappie don't live in the ocean, they live in lakes."

"Wow Homer! You are the most brilliant man I have ever known!"

"I know, Doc, I know."

* * *

( One week later, Professor Mortyfarty receives a phone call.)

"Hi Dr. Morty, this is Furry Barham, from Texas. Do you remember me?"

"I am faxing you some photos of a few documents. Spurlock was looking at them at the archives and I thought you would be interested."

* * *

Please stay tuned for more action as Homer Spurlock pits his superior nonductive reasoning powers against the incredibly shrewd and twisted mind of his evil genius nemesis, Professor Mortyfarty.