Tom Moore · DiggyDog · Homer Spurlock & Doc Shotgun

May 2009 · in full

Speed Trap at Frost

By Tom Moore, writing as DiggyDog

In our opening episode, Homer Spurlock had received instructions from Ranger Headquarters, through Secret Undercover Ranger "E", via animal courier, to go to Blooming Grove and investigate the mysterious Wildman.

As we rejoin the action, we find Homer and his sidekick, Doc Shotgun at the horse rental place.

SCENE 2

"Welcome to URIDUM!

Kin I hep yew?"

"Yes. Me and my pard Shotgun are in desperate need of some fast mounts; time is of the essence!'

"Oky doky. Will you be needing a saddle and tack?"

"Yes, we have a long ride ahead of us."

"Where y'all headed?"

"Over to Blooming Grove."

"That's a pretty fer piece, I suggest you upgrade to the Comfort King Saddle, it's like riding on a cloud, and it's only six bits a day extra."

"OK, Comfort Kings for both of us."

"By the way, you will have to go through Frost on the way, would you like a radar detector on your saddle? Only four bits per day extra, and well worth it."

"Thank you, but no, we shan't require such accoutrements."

"Ok, it's your funeral."

* * *

"Homer, I'm tired, can we dismount a while?"

"Doc, we don't have time, we have got to keep pushing at a full gallop, the game's afoot!"

* * *

"Homer, I think we are coming into Frost now, we'd best be careful."

(Homer observes the traffic signs, and notes the speed limit is gallop, then 200 feet further slows to canter, then 20 feet further it slows to trot. Homer and Doc slow to a trot, but too late. Up ahead, two cherries appear atop a vintage cadillac, which has a set of longhorn horns strapped to the hood. Homer and Doc stop and wait. A figure emerges from the car. He is wearing sunglasses and a white spandex suit encrusted with rhinestones. He is also wearing a badge and a gun, and has police department patches on his sleeves.)

"Howdy folks, may I see your hoss permits and insurance, please?"

"Officer, these are rental horses, and we forgot to purchase insurance.."

"Well in that case you need to have a seat in my patrol car."

(Homer dismounts and walks to the car, the officer opens the passenger door for him, then walks around the car, and sits in the driver's seat.)

* * *

"Would you like a doughnut, Homer?"

"Yep, and I'd like to take one for Doc, if I may."

"You sure are taking a risk to contact me this way, why didn't you reply by jackrabbit?"

"He got away from me. Besides, I got some questions best asked in person. What can you tell me about the Wildman?"

"Not much. He came roaring through here nearly 4 miles per hour over the speed limit, all kinds of lights flashing, banners all over his vehicle, and I stopped him and gave him a ticket. He started spouting some nonsense about how he was some bigshot federal agent, scouting a route for some top secret government convoy that was passing through."

"Interesting.... so what happened?"

"Well, Homer, he got so riled up about me stopping him, I had to place him under arrest. We don't have a jail here so I carried him over to Blooming Grove and stuck him in the cage they got over there in the park."

"Did you question him about the secret convoy?"

"Of course I did, but he clammed up on me, refused to talk once I arrested him. But there is something fishy here, that's why I contacted you."

"Ok my friend, I will get to the bottom of this, that's a promise."

"Good, Homer, if anyone can figure this out, it's you. By the way Homer, please try to use the animal couriers in the future. I don't want to blow my cover."

"Ok mis amigo, will do."

"Oh, and one more thing, watch your speed when you come through Frost."

* * *

"Why did you let him loose, Homer?"

"Look at the size of that cage, Doc. He was here for 8 days, kids poking him with sticks, sat out a rainstorm, I figure he's suffered enough, even if he IS a federal agent."

"So, he really is, Homer?.'

"Yep!"

"What did he tell you, Homer?"

"Turns out there was a big government convoy, Top Secret, that he was scouting for. And I have learned this convoy is unaccounted for. Lost. Vanished."

"How can the government lose a convoy, Homer?"

"I have a hunch it has something to do with their scout being locked in a cage while they were passing through."

"Wow, Homer, you are so brilliant. Of course that makes sense to me now."

"Grade school, pard Shotgun, grade school."

"So I guess the case is solved now, right Homer?"

"Hardly, Doc. Now we need to find that convoy. This is an urgent matter!"